I pray you enjoyed my introduction post! I also pray you paid attention to the part where I said I was going to be EXTRA transparent! If not, well, now you know! I honestly thought at first, "this is too much too soon Symone", but this is why we here right? I said it was a safe space for you, so it has to be for me too!
I battle a sexual addiction, well a sexual demon. Notice I said "I battle" and not "I HAVE"... everything you say has a destination as my Bishop would say. Honestly I don't even think its MY battle or demon. I got into this fight through sexual abuse as a child. The enemy will attach things to you as a child because you haven't learned your power yet. I can go into that more later.
I HATE IT.
BREATHE, CALM DOWN.
I SAID I HATE "IT" as in the demon and the sin.. NOT MYSELF. I AM A CHILD OF GOD AND WILL OVERCOME THIS!
This sin/demon has a caused me to not only have sex with people I would have never touched in my right mind but also develop a habit of masturbation. I know you're mind blown that I am talking about this, but I have met so many women (especially in ministry) who struggle with this...and all of them are either too embarrassed or too terrified of being judged to talk about it. Well I am not either.
I use to be though..
terrified..embarrassed. Scared people would turn on me for talking about it. Actually about a year in a half ago they did. I lost so many people and felt so much judgement for being the victim of sexual abuse as a CHILD. CRAZY RIGHT?!
But I am not here to go into that story yet, I am here to say that I have been in this fight since I was 9 years old. I have had dreams and thoughts that disgust me. I literally can feel myself get sick every time. Although my mind and my spirit felt disgust.. my flesh felt pleasure and weakness. So no, its not just you. But we don't have to keep giving in and just taking it. We CAN fight back!
Is it easy? of course not.. nothing in the Kingdom of God is. We have to continuously put on our armor and not get caught slipping by the enemy! Ephesians 6:10-18 can help with that.
Reading this scripture every morning and/or when I feel attacked has helped me so much. And when I don't.. well I can tell the difference. For those of us who battle this, let me tell you that sex is NOT the answer. Your flesh and the enemy will try to convince you that it feels so good and you need to do it. The enemy will tell you that you cant help it and your too weak to fight it. The craziest lie the enemy has ever told me about this is "God forgives right? so go ahead he wont be mad!"
THE DEVIL IS A LIAR AND A TWISTER OF THE WORD OF GOD!
YES GOD forgives and his mercy is made new daily (Lamentations 3:21), but we also are not to "TEST" GOD. We are not supposed to KNOWINGLY do things JUST because we know God will forgive us. We are supposed rebuke the lies of the enemy and stand on the word of God. Now lets be honest, we all fall short right? SURE! So do NOT feel bad..we can fight this fight together. Sometimes, for most of us, we were abused sexually at a really young age. So we began to think that sex meant love (since most of the time it was by someone we loved), so we live our lives using sex to solve all our problems and make people love us. It is truly so much better to just be alone then continuing to give our bodies to someone who doesn't value us the way we deserve. I made a decision to be celibate and wait until I am married to have sex.
WHY?
Well like I said before, I had an addiction. So sex was how I expressed myself and not one person I "expressed" myself to even valued my spirit enough to deserve my body. Also because I have learned that sex is something the enemy uses to transfer demons amongst people. I refuse to have to carry or fight anymore demons that don't belong to me. I don't want you to have to either. And of course the obvious facts that GOD said to wait until marriage. It is not easy but we can do it.
Let me share a list of things I do to help stay away from this sin and not fall victim to this demon.
1. PRAY WITHOUT CEASING
*You must pray morning, noon, and night! Pray multiple times a day and never stop. Even if you feel you have overcome the demon, PRAY SOME MORE!
2. PUT ON THE ARMOR OF GOD DAILY
*Read Ephesians 6:10-18 as soon as you wake up in the morning. (maybe even read the whole book in study)
3.PROTECT YOUR GATES (eyes, ears. mouth)
*Be mindful of what you watch, listen to, and speak. Don't have conversations that could lead to you committing the sin. REMEMBER the enemy is lurking and looking for any IN to disturb your walk. I listen to sermons and gospel music most of the day. This keeps me safe and protected all day long. It may be harder depending on who your around, but try your hardest. Its worth it.
4. STAY CONNECTED TO THE OIL OVER YOUR LIFE
*This is important! Sometimes we slip up and the guilt and shame of the committed sin shut us up and shut us out, don't let it, but sometimes it happens. So it is important to stay connected to our spiritual leadership and family. God will show them when your under attack or in danger. Then they can intercede for you and help you fight that demon. Deliverance is real and it works.
I know, this is a lot. But its so real and so important. I spent so much time suffering this fight alone because I thought it was just me and listen I WAS WRONG. There are so many women and people who struggle with this and are scared to open up about it just like you are. So here we are, in a safe space and talking about it freely. Because the first step to KILLING a demon is EXPOSING it! One day I will share some stories of when I gave in, but more of when I STOOD FIRM. Today though, I just want to encourage you, give some pointers, and let you know that your not alone 😙
I believe in you.
I believe in US.
WE WILL WIN.
WITH GOD ON OUR SIDE, WE WILL OVERCOME THIS!
With Love,
Your sister EIT Symone 💜
EPHESIANS 6:10-18
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."
LAMENTATIONS 3:21
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
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